Monday, 1 April 2013

Getting anywhere?

So I guess the premise behind this whole "blogging" idea is that I've lost my voice and I need to find it. I just need to write. I need to stop being such a finicky perfectionist. I would usually want to change "the premise" to something that fits my thoughts better because I seem to have lost the ability to find the right translations from the inside of my head to the "reality" of the outside world. Again that is a terrible sentence. But I need to stop spending time and energy on trying to correct because all I am doing is putting a stopper in my expression. I need to find a way to communicate, even if its just with an empty slot of web space. Isn't that depressing? But if I don't, I might just implode. I am more than aware of how much the words "i need" were employed above (see finicky perfectionist description), and believe me I hate that how selfish this whole "premise" is, everything in me craves to be selfless and yet I just don't seem to able to reach that state of being. Is there any point in making excuses here? No one can hear them. Maybe I need to reassure myself. Maybe that just highlights even further how hopelessly selfish I really am. But, and I really think I'm being honest when I say this, the reason I have to turn to this empty slot of web space is because I cannot talk to any person about my thoughts. I just can't burden them with my depressing-ness and I know that mentioning my wish to reach some sort of end to this whole palava would spark such worry and concern etc that its not something I want to do to anyone. *worry and concern are again not the right words but I can't find them. My basic philosophy, as I have decided to explicitly define it, stands thus: find a way to be happy in the least selfish way possible. I realise there are many things that academic philosophers would want to pick apart and define from within that statement, but I cannot and will not do that. Ok we'll that's that for now.

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